USA! USA! USA!

We all know what today is... If you don't, then well, you should. I can't believe that is has been six years. I'm sure everyone says that. It's probably a total cliche to say anything along the lines of "six years already?" But honestly, holy shit. That day changed my life forever even though I live no where near there, have never been there, (YET), and didn't lose a loved one that day. I think it changed everyone in one way or another. EVERYONE on the planet knows about it, and minus a few psycho-fuck countries, everyone mourns and remembers with us, too. Everyone of course thinks about that day from time to time, and we're definitely thinking about it today. Some obviously think of it more than others because well, duh it impacted everyone in different ways. But what I wanted to do today was actually take myself back to that day in my mind. Like, (yep I started a sentence with the word "like"), what I was doing when I found out and then what I was thinking as I watched the second plane hit the second tower on LIVE t.v. and how I felt frantically calling my parents at work and waiting for my boyfriend to show up so we could drive to class.... Psych 111 was the furthest thing from my mind..... It was insane. "Who is doing this to us??", I asked my dad. "Is the world ending?" "I'm scared." Logically, technically, looking back on it now, I was safe. Very safe. I didn't feel safe. No one did. What I ask readers to do today, for the memory of that day, is just take a second at least, (longer if you can), and watch those planes crash into the Towers, and watch the expressions on the faces of the HUMAN BEINGS looking up at the sky....... Listen to the fright in their voices. Look at all the thousands of "MISSING" pictures that were posted. Look up the photos of the innocent lives of the people on those airplanes who had NO IDEA what was about to happen to them. Imagine how they must have felt. This morning at like 4 a.m. I woke up for some reason and their was a documentary on one of the HBO or Showtime channels called, "Telling Nicholas." It documented a family who was struggling to tell a 7 year-old that his mom died in the first Tower. And the pain of her coworker and best friend who was able to get out of the building and get to safety from the 96TH FLOOR. It was all documented starting on September 12th, 2001, so many people including this family, thought maybe their loved ones and friends could still be found. They by day 9 or 10, they knew that their daughter, wife, and sister wasn't missing, she was dead. The father sat this little boy down on the side walk after a walk and told him. He didn't make up some b.s. story adults tell little kids like "mommy went to go visit Heaven and get it ready for us when it's time to join her." Or something like that, you know what I mean. No, he said "little man, mommy has died. She was killed in the accident that happened in the City last week." And I'm crying the whole time of course, but when he told his son I completely broke down. Now, I don't know where they get the number, but at the end of the doc it said and was quoted that almost 10,000 children lost a parent that day. I'm assuming they're counting the number of children the parent had, not the parent. Okay now I know where they got that big of a number and I'm an idiot. See I could just go back and delete it and make it sound like I knew what I was talking about all along, but see that's not how I do things. Anyway, while I was sobbing I kept asking myself, "for WHAT?" "WHY?" Those stupid goddamned jihadi extremist ass fucks! The other part of the doc was a Muslim family that lost their loved one. I forget how to spell his name, but he was a waiter at the elegant Windows On the World restaurant, located on the 106th & 107th floors. Obviously he didn't survive, or even have a chance for survival being on those floors. He was a great American. A Muslim American. He had 2 teenaged daughters, and one teenaged son, and a loving wife. We all hear this a lot, "He wasn't even supposed to go in to work that day." Or, "it was his/hers day off." Well, it really was this man's day off. He went in at 4 a.m. so he could get home early and be with his wife the rest of the day. His older teenaged son was talking about how great of a father he was and was talking about all the things they did together. He said that his dad always said "I love you" before he went anywhere, and the son was glad to hear it but never really said it back. Ugh......I started crying again. Then they showed pictures and etc.. Those fuckers never thought that there would be be Muslims in the building. And if they did, they didn't care. It made me really mad. One of my best friends is Muslim. Actually, he is my best guy friend. He's great. I love him! As with every religion there are the freaks, and then the ones who practice the religion as it was meant. I've read parts of an english version of the Koran, pronounced: (KUR-rahnn) not (Kah-RAN), and it's sounds similar to the Bible. Allah is basically like their Jesus. I mean, totally different, but most of us believe in the God and Jesus of our own Bible. Well, they also do. It's just different to us. Just as they think wtf??? about our Bible. We think it's all just normal you know? Well, they think that about their religion. It seems though that they are quite a bit more devout than we are. I mean the Islam faith is strict, but very loving. I recommend reading some of the Koran. Now many of you know how politically conservative I am. I'm the Repubs of Repubs. I named my cat after H.W. Bush! I've got my shrine of Bush. I'm even banned from two bars. One downtown, one uptown for hitting people in the head with my beer bottles for bashing Bush, or me for loving and supporting him. I steal or peel off liberal bumper stickers. I flip-off the cars with the "Kerry Edwards" stickers on them. I get up in the faces of the anti-war protesters. I've grabbed a girl by her throat for saying Bush should be tried for war crimes, and grabbed he so hard she bruised. BUT, if you want to get along in this world we live in now, you need to at least try to understand different views. Different poli parties. Different religions that people will kill and die for. Agree with all of it?? HELL no. But rather than sit there and just be confused and pissed, try to figure out where the hell these individuals get their passion, drive, and ideas from. I mean, I punched a 15 year-old girl who was holding up a sign that said, "GOD HATES FAGS", and the other side said, "AMERICA IS GOING TO HELL." Wtf?? Yeah, see we hate the Fred Phelps family and their followers, and we certainly don't understand them. But they honestly think with all of the heart and soul that WE are wrong and they are right. To me they are in the same category as the Islam extremists. They take a religion that's supposedly loving and nonjudgemental and turn it into psychosis. Then people blame ALL Christians and ALL Muslims. Don't get me wrong, I haven't turned libbo at all. Gross. In fact if I get real mad you'll catch me calling a brown person with a middle eastern accent a jihadi fuck or an Allah loving-turban-wearing-terrorist-pussy. If I'm drunk or road-raging I've shouted "go back to your Taliban country and get the F out of mine!", if say a middle eastern cuts me off or bumps into me at a club without saying "excuse me" or "sorry." I shouldn't do that. I really shouldn't. Back to my point, I got way off track. Remember today by looking at a video or something. You may ask why? Well, to remember what our soldiers are fighting for this very second. We haven't been attacked since then so we, (and WE includes Bush, our soldiers, the FBI, the CIA, and our allies across the globe), MUST be doing something right because they are certainly sending over their little threats on AL-Jezeera or however you spell it, wearing their little masks because they're too scared to show their jihadi fuck faces. Okay I'm getting mad again. But seriously, remember today and if you watch something, anything involving that day, it REALLY takes you back. Because we shouldn't ever forget. We shouldn't ever pretend like it didn't happen, or even try to pretend or try to forget. It changed the entire world. You can go to almost any 9/11 related site and watch videos or see pictures of victims. YouTube and MSN have some that will take you back to the very second you found out. Maybe if more of these anti-war dipshits watched these videos they'd remember why we are fighting. Well, why we started anyway. And if I weighed the 108 lbs minimum to be in the military, I would and I'd go there and kick some insurgent ass. God Bless America....Our home, sweet home.

*I didn't proof read or edit this so if there are any misspells or errors, I apologize. And of course I'll be adding a song when I'm on my own computer later today.* 

I WANT BOTOX!!!

So it just so happens that I happened to be a tad wrong about the one I've loved for over a year. I guess I'm okay... I was almost 100% convinced he'd come around. Now I'm only convinced that I have no idea who he is, like oh my god big surprise right? We never really know who anyone IS until we bump into their best-friend and co-workers and learn so many lies that have been told about pretty much everything. Or............We find out who people really are in our times of need, which we all have every once in a while. Are they there for you and at least OFFER support? Or do they disappear on ya? Yeah. That's life sometimes. What's good is when you know for a fact who the closest people in your life really are when they've seen you at your worst doing the dumbest things ever and loving the worst people ever, and they are still right there, being the same friend they were yesterday, and will be the same today and tomorrow. Oh and I tried to get my younger bro, ( many of you know him from myspace), to help me put my tracker back on here and he was like "no one even uses xanga anymore, it's not like people are going to be leaving comments." Well, I don't give a fuck bubba, I know people READ it, and that's the point. My dad is trying to get me to work on my potty mouth. I don't even realize when I'm swearing. I mean, okay if I meet someone for the first time or if I'm around elders or the parents of my friends, obviously I know to keep it clean. But we were at Wal-Mart and then Planet Sub over the past weekend and I was like "fuck this" and "fuck that" about everything. For example: I was ordering what I wanted on my sandwich and I said to the order-taker dude, "Could you have them put on like a lot of fucking banana peppers?" Apparently my dad was 'sooooooo embarrassed', but sadly I didn't notice I'd done anything wrong. I agree, it is trashy and no matter WHERE I happen to work, I'm NOT trashy and I don't want random strangers to think I am. But can't I at least let it all out at home?? The F-bomb and I go way back and my family is pretty laid back so I think it should be okay to drop the bombs at home, where no one but my parents are around. They are still counting down the days until I move back out. JUNE OKAY?!

POLITICS BEEEITCH

So maybe I am a complete hormonal freak on a leash girl/woman/lady/broad whatever, but I was driving out west a couple days ago and I say all of the flags flying at half-mast/half-staff. Is there a difference between those two by the way? See people? I don't know EVERYTHING! That was a good one huh? Moving along, I say that I'm a hormonal freak because I cried harder and harder at each flag I saw! And I intentionally pulled over ON THE FREEWAY to put in a sad cd with songs like "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M., "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues" by Elton John, and "Dust In the Wind" by Kansas. What was I thinking? Those songs make everyone cry. I guess my emotions were a mixture of how it hit me so hard so fast that everyone in the country knows about the Virginia Tech massacre, and that we are ALL behind them. Black, white, illegal immigrant, gay, straight, right-wing, left-wing, rich bastards, and welfare receipients.- Okay I hope everyone knows I'm trying to make light of how different WE are as a people, and I'm not making light of the tragedy.- Anyway those songs blasting and seeing the flags and all the cars driving with me on the freeway and I swear I was freaking balling like a baby. Maybe it's just my, you know, how do you say, monthly hormones coming on... Yeah, that's it. You know what, I really don't like Hillary Clinton. It's not that she's a democrat. A liberal democrat. It's that she is mean. And she seems fake. Eveyone makes so much fun of my Dubya during and after his speeches because of his occasional, (yes occasional), blunder. You know, he really IS "misunderestimated!" But to me, at least he's human and caring. Hillary seems and IS so scandalous and weird and scary. Imagine her running the country? Obama, I realize, is the most favorite right now. Especially among the young Bush haters and the Hollywood nutbags. But what how is he going to handle Iran and North Korea? Yeah, he seems like a pleasant man, but you have to be tough as shit and do what you say you are going to do and let the enemey know that appeasement is not an option. The U.N. sanctions are not going to work. They haven't so far. These rouge nations do not want to sit down and "talk things out." They want to TAKE US OUT. Period. Iran didn't just all of a sudden start a nuke program, Saddam sent them over there before we invaded. I don't care if Iran and Iraq got along at that time or not. Everyone's got a price, especially when it comes to two crazy tyrants. (Well, ONE crazy tyrant now.) No one understands that Bush IS doing his job. Has anything bad happened to America since 9.11? Thanks to the wire-tapping many planes headed for the United States did NOT get blown up. There are many, many, potential debates on these topics. My point and opinion is that Hillary nor Obama seem to be right for the job. Hillary is too nuts and then suddenly not nuts, and all over the place. Obama is too likable, and again, in my opinion, not be able to handle being the leader of the "world police." On the G.O.P. side... Giuliani, not quite sure what his m.o. is, McCain, well, we all know McCain is a kind man, a fair man, and typically moderate. Where is counts the MOST, referring to the fucking terrorists, he's tough. That's what we need. I say the right man, oh I'm sorry, the right "person" to be our next president will be the one that Osama says not to vote for on a videotape from a cave in Afghanistan. LOVE YA'll.

*Happier song today* 

one they always play where I work 

A Time For Every Purpose, Under Heaven

                                                                                                               Cho Seung-Hui/ pussy-ass bitch

You think you have problems, you don't. You think you're having a bad day, you aren't. You are alive. Pray for the victims and the friends and families of the victims and those who lives were barely spared, those who are trying to PHYSICALLY recover in the local hospitals. Be grateful everyday because you never know, you just never know. Anything can happen at anytime and it's hard to not take that for granted. This song is for, well, all unexplained and senseless acts of hate and tragedy. It's amazing that people all around the world are sending their condolences. We all live in the same world and it's strangely wonderful that we can all forget our differences for the time being and come together. God bless those poor kids, and their families. God bless the obviously troubled kid who felt taking these lives was the solution to whatever situation he was going through. Screw the people who are angry and demanding answers about how and why the university officials didn't handle the situation differently than they did. It seems people just don't understand that we aren't always prepared for everything that MIGHT happen, and no one else could have or would have known what to do, or could have prevented any of it. It's all about being at the wrong place at the wrong time, which is very unfortunate, and it kills me to say that it's true.

Ya Might Surprise Yourself

So what the hell. I just finished bleaching my teeth and I accidentally bleached part of my upper gum right above my two front teeth. Of course. I haven't updated in such a long, long time. I went through something insanely crazy and it's just now calming down. I won't post about it but if anyone's curious you can email me and I'll update you on that part of my life, which has actually been my ENTIRE life for almost 2 years up until 2 weeks ago. I'm still in love with the same guy. The same guy I've loved since November, 2005. We are off and on but I know he cares about me and I hope he and I can work things out, because he's all I want. That's all I'll say about that! Hillary is disgusting. Obama is a joke. Are you serious? I bet my 95 lb. ass could whoop HIS ass! It's totally not a racial issue. He's just weak to me. And Hillary is horrible. Imagine Bill Clinton being the "First Husband." Holy hell. No!!!!!!!!! Eight years wasn't long enough for the Clintons. They trashed the White House and even took some of the furniture from the White House when Mr. and Mrs. Bush moved in. And all of this bickering they are doing... It's really making them, the Dems, look fairly ridiculous. Now, I know my party hasn't been perfect, but the "wrongdoings" that the media comes up with no one cares about. The CIA leaks and the reasons why eight attorneys were fired. Who the F@#$ cares?? This will be one of the bloodiest and most exciting presidential races in recent years.

LOVE,

Me. (Thank God I don't drink anymore. Funny picture though huh?)

Hillary in '08? Why or why not?